Happy New Year!

It's a new life for me this 2015. Thanks for all the friendships, hurts, pains and all the realizations the year 2014 brought me. For me, the greatest realization is self-valuation and family priorities. They are the things that I need to value starting 2015. I have always been caring with my friends and always making them my priority but ultimately I realize it best that I prioritize myself first. With prioritizing myself, I feel great. My greatest achievement this 2014 is my CAREER 1. high meets and 2. having a credit card. I thought that having a credit card was not good because it leads you to debts but what I have come to realize is that its all about the mind and choosing whats the best in every situation. Now I get to let my family enjoy going to the hotel in holiday and spa during New Year! It was really all worth it processing the credit card. Now, for the driver's license hahaha.

Pain more than I could think of

The first time in a little while that my pain is more than I could think of. I didn't realize choosing a different path would affect me too much. I mean I don't understand myself either. What is going on? Is it something that I don't know of myself but he knows? When he blamed me and said "kibaw man ko nga nahan ka maunder nako, nagpada lang jud ka sa imong mga friends" it really hurt. A lot. I couldnt even say goodbye or look him in the eye coz I felt so sad and so much pain was there enough for me not to say goodbye. It just hurts. Until now. I dont understand and will never understand this.

friendly date with heartbeat

hahaha i'm happy right now coz i had a friendly date with heartbeat, I didn't
realize that I could feel so happy with a friend, it turns out that I just need to change my perspective or change my outlook on things and that was when I felt happier and livelier way than before. I'm so happy because we get to dine in shakeys and although there was this saleslady who thought I was a korean who delayed our time, It was stillworth it since haha I didn't realize I could fool a lot of people already with my looks haha. Anyway then we became closer than before with heartbeat and I thank myself for being patient also humble hahaha. I also thank her for being the same. I realize if you want to be happy, if you want to be with a person then just say so, just show it to him/her because they will get the idea and still nothing will get lost if you say you like to be with him/her indirectly, that is. With regards to the band, I love them. I could see myself with them but then It's hard cause I don't want to get attached to them. I might feel sad if they don't contact anymore or what. I also hate the dogs in the area, I have dog phobia and it really irks me that I'm the only one who has this disease haha hahai, anyway I want to be happy but I don't know. Happiness is short-lived. I wasn't able to go to mass and I know the Lord is already so so hurt with me and no amount of sorries could ever atone for my sins but I really just wanted to be with my friends :( I miss them so much it hurts. :( I like her quote :((( I can never leave them Lord, that is why I don't want to go out of Velez College. I know that I have my friends in there, possible true friends. :(

cant wait

I cant wait for me to be able to feel alive again. Tomorrow, I must be ready so that I could go to the hip hop class in Abellana. I guess I just really wanted to feel that I'm part of something. I feel really tired because I felt I have not found a friend who could be with me always. There are these friends but then I know they'll just get bored like I am if I hang out with them all the time. I wish things would really change for me. I wish I would be happy if I already decide to push through with my hip hop class and also I wish to receive the money that I earned. I wish to be productive this summer. I wish that I would really feel happy na coz I've never been happy, only busy and trying to survive in this world. I hope my angel would be able to read this and help me. Pls Help me Angel coz I'm really really tired and I feel I don't really understand why Im here in this world in the first place. Please help me to be able to feel inspired and happy again :( I'm so tired.

April 4 recollections

So far, around this summer and a little before that, I watched a lot of tv series namely:

1.) Lost season 1
2.) Masters of Horror
3.) Hiphop
4.) On Air - not yet finished coz it gets boring
5.) How I met your Mother season 1,2,5 (my favorite series)
6.) Iris
7.) Dirty Sexy Money
8.) The Listener (another favorite)
9.) Spring Breeze
10.) Glee

Movies

1.One missed call
2.Alice in Wonderland

Books

1. Rich Dad Poor Dad Retire young retire rich

Laags

1.) wid velez friends in ayala thrice
first-in ayala, gaisano, terraces
second-ayala, school, ayala
third-school, ayala

2.) wid close friends in stakili beach resort

I know im into tv series more than im into movies.I guess it's because I feel movies are so short and they don't really highlight a lot of things. In the How I met your mother series, I felt so alive watching the series. It's good to get a laugh sometimes.

So, anyhow my future goals consists of

1.) working in my father's company
2.) going to hip hop class
3.) training in swimming
4.) read books minimum of 15 books
5.) getting ready for the third year subjects
6.) finish writing the doppelganger
7.) compose two or more songs with guitar accompaniment
8.) be expert in guitar, know how to pluck, read tabs and tune the guitar
9.) improve my singing range and my ability in falsetto
10.) pass all the stages in drums in timezone
11.) know how to play the guitar freaks in timezone

so, I'll just add more goals if I'll be able to fulfill these 11 plans of mine..
Bless me Lord Jesus so I could be able to do these all and more with efficiency and effectiveness.

wouldn't wait

I wouldn't wait for me to feel so depressed because my high school friends still treat me like I'm someone they could just shove aside, I'd ditch them coz they don't anymore know me and they're not interested by the way to see who the real me is. They just want to think that I'm some nerdy bright student who needs attention or what but guess what, I'm neither of those and just because i have some gifts doesn't mean they have the right to do that to me. Well, I'll not contact them anymore and I wont hang out with all three of them. Sometimes i just got to move on with my life. If they're friends then why are they pulling me down? I don't care who they are but I think I deserve better treatment than what Im getting from them. Thats it. No more anything. Just letting go. Goodbye to all smart ass trying hard social climbers. I'm tired and neither do I have the time to fulfill your sordid fantasies in life.

postbeach trip feeling

I was very irritated the day my three best friends were quite hesitant to spend time in Kawasan. Guess what, after a prolonged agony of convincing them, I ended up a little tired and also a lot of realization. I feel that I am valued more by my Velez friends rather than my high school friends. But then I still love them and although they did that to me, I would still try and see if this thing could work out among the four of us, anyway, i dont know what will happen to me in the future. How I wish I will be happy coz Im not :(