sad day again? nothing new

i wake up and its tragedy from the start. I was late and actually got a minus which by the way didn't hurt the same way as knowing that the void in the emptiness of my heart couldn't be fulfilled. It's as if I am on a balance wherein the sadness scale is the most popular with heavy and huge stones placed on its weigh. On the other hand, the happiness scale is of a lesser degree and sometimes I wonder if I am cursed not to feel happiness. Constantly asking for God's help and forgiveness didn't show any signs or manifestations that I was heard. My faith knows no bounds and I know God is listening but I don't know if He is acting. I just wish He knows how hard my life has been and how tiring it already has become. My soul is so weary, I dread to come to the point of not anymore believing in anything good that would come out of my life. The loneliness I feel doesn't dissipate and yet, no one will eover understand. I feel so worthless. It doesn't help that my mother and father is too busy with their lives to ever care about me, my sister by the way has a life of her own (too busy) in her work, much so with my brother leaving me desolated, alone and tired. Weariness evident in the sadness of my silently crying face. It's so hard because life could be so cruel to you and yet you can't take it away, you can't just give up and you must not do anything wrong else more problems would come in your way. My hardships are too enormous for my age, I am beginning to wonder where my pleas and prayers were. I am not questioning the faith that I so believe in. It's just my logical thinking at its works. Desperate is so common in my heart now, I cease to feel hurt in school already. It's a matter of time before I become so numb, I couldn't resist it. I don't see what would be the best in this but because this is God's will, I will gladly take part in it. Since my ardent and unyielding hardships, I hope God would see how sad I've become and send me an Angel., but not that angel calling on my phone pls :/