Ages since then

Now, i haven't ranted in a little while (hint: long while) but If I have been depressed before, right now, I would say I'm more of stressed at the same time depressed. Do you know how hard it is to be someone you don't want to be? It's like you are forced to do something you don't want to do. That's what I felt but I continued anyway because this is a responsibility that I have to face. I get all the blame, I don't get the merits. It's a tough task. It's an added burden and I see now what I got myself into. I should have started at a lesser rank. Now, I have to learn through mistakes and corrections. I want to die but I can't. Today, I was shock. I defended a friend of mine and it was the first time I showed some deep emotion. It was raw at that. Now,I realize I closed my doors to something, but opened it to something else. True service and strength.I hope I'll be able to show and do a lot of that :) I am strong. I know it.

hayyy

superrrrrr i hate what im feeling right now! somehow, when he said sorry, i took pity on him and now my anger is ebbing. But still, I really feel that there would be a change on his approach on me..i guess he would already not tease me. so, that means that we wouldn't talk that much already. I should be prepared. Base on my experience, the closeness of me and K was gone because I said sorry. Now, I bet it would be the same story. I should be strong. After all, I'll be transferring to a place where "no one" is my friend. I'm really depressed because all that I expect from myself was gone. Now, I shouldn't have been a joke. I should have been a little serious than I am right now. i'm just so tired and i wish that the Lord would send me a korean angel ahahaha to help me :) pleaseeee.

I feel in a state of confusion right now despite the fact that I have already decided to push through with my pt course. As I go on with the daily activities that a normal pt student would do, I experienced a deep sadness and no sense of achievement. I'm just stuck with mediocrity and culture pressure. A course forecasted to