Pain more than I could think of

The first time in a little while that my pain is more than I could think of. I didn't realize choosing a different path would affect me too much. I mean I don't understand myself either. What is going on? Is it something that I don't know of myself but he knows? When he blamed me and said "kibaw man ko nga nahan ka maunder nako, nagpada lang jud ka sa imong mga friends" it really hurt. A lot. I couldnt even say goodbye or look him in the eye coz I felt so sad and so much pain was there enough for me not to say goodbye. It just hurts. Until now. I dont understand and will never understand this.