Ages since then

Now, i haven't ranted in a little while (hint: long while) but If I have been depressed before, right now, I would say I'm more of stressed at the same time depressed. Do you know how hard it is to be someone you don't want to be? It's like you are forced to do something you don't want to do. That's what I felt but I continued anyway because this is a responsibility that I have to face. I get all the blame, I don't get the merits. It's a tough task. It's an added burden and I see now what I got myself into. I should have started at a lesser rank. Now, I have to learn through mistakes and corrections. I want to die but I can't. Today, I was shock. I defended a friend of mine and it was the first time I showed some deep emotion. It was raw at that. Now,I realize I closed my doors to something, but opened it to something else. True service and strength.I hope I'll be able to show and do a lot of that :) I am strong. I know it.